Winter 2023 Newsletter

As we approach the end of another year, it is common to look back and take stock of all that has happened. Every year, when I reflect back, there are always the events I knew and planned for and others I had no idea were coming. This year, for example, I knew as we headed into 2023 that our youngest would graduate high school and leave for college in August. That was a planned and known event. I knew in my head that we would experience the “empty nest” that many before us have discussed and gone through. I wanted to establish a new normal during this time, so this past Friday night, I went to dinner with my two daughters, now 21 and 24.

Both daughters live near downtown Chicago and within about 10 minutes of each other. For the last few years, I have asked them to invite me to have dinner sometime. How many invites do you think I received? It’s a number between zero and zero. So, taking my wife’s advice (who happens to be right “most” of the time), I initiated the invitation and asked them to have dinner with me. I offered a day/time and a couple of restaurant options. They accepted, and to my surprise, it was effortless. I was excited about our dinner and the time to hang out with them and hear about their day.

While driving to meet them, I told myself to avoid asking big questions (like your life plan) or sensitive questions (like about relationships). I wanted to keep it light and avoid falling into the trap of offering unsolicited advice. After I picked them up, my oldest sat in the front seat. As I am more of a suburban driver now and less of a city driver, she gave me a couple of pointers on where to go and when to turn. It was a strange role reversal because it didn’t feel like it was that long ago that I was in the passenger seat teaching her how to drive, and now she is the one giving me driving instructions. Thankfully, however, this excursion didn’t end with us getting out of the car and yelling, “I’m never driving with you again!” If you have taken 15-year olds on the road, you know that moment I am talking about.

Dinner was very nice, and they were enjoying themselves. I took my usual selfie with them to share with my wife. Our conversation flowed, and we discussed everything, including when they may be home for the holidays. I was mindful of avoiding the sensitive questions, but I still have work to do on the big questions. I asked, “Where do you see yourselves five years from now?” They were wonderful and answered it as best as possible, but I could tell it created more stress as I put them on the spot. They are in their early 20s, which I should have remembered. The conversation eventually led to me giving “dad advice.” Maybe that was helpful, but perhaps “dad jokes” would have been better.

Driving home, I felt bad for putting them on the spot with the 5-year question. As parents, we are supposed to help and give advice. Like teaching them to drive, we are supposed to prepare them and ensure they are safe when they take the wheel on their own. But when do you go from giving good driving advice to becoming a backseat driver? Just as a backseat driver can be annoying, do my kids feel annoyed about unsolicited advice? A backseat driver can feel like a nag or make you feel like you’re doing it wrong, and I don’t want them to feel that way. I remember when I moved away from home, I didn’t particularly appreciate getting advice from my parents either. I suppose most people reach that point when they get tired of hearing advice they didn’t ask for, but as a parent, seeing where that transition starts isn’t always easy. I realized it is not my choice when the cord is cut, and they do it for me. In hindsight, I also know some advice my parents shared I still remember.

So, as I look back on 2023, I knew I would be at this stage of life with three young adult children, but I didn’t anticipate this tug and pull of redefining roles. My dinner with them taught me a lot, but more than anything, it was an enjoyable evening with my two daughters, and I look forward to doing it again. If you have any advice about this empty nest stage, please share it at drghaderi@stcharlesplasticsurgery.com. Happy Holidays and best wishes for all of you in 2024.

Mercury in the Microwave

Why are people saying, “Mercury in the microwave?” It is a slang term for Mercury retrograde or Mercury in retrograde. This astrological phenomenon occurs about 3-4 times yearly when Mercury appears to move backward. It is an optical illusion, but as the planet of communication, it gets blamed for things going wrong when it occurs. Us ladies here in the office are firm believers in the power of Mercury retrograde!

In astrology, it is noted that when Mercury is in retrograde, it causes complete commotion. It is typical for miscommunications to happen, mistakes to be made, and scheduling issues to occur. People say they experience more issues with electronics, travel delays, automobile troubles, and more issues in their relationships. As teens would say, “The vibes are off.”

Hang on, because we have one more left for this year and just in time for all the holidays! The next “Mercury in the Microwave” will be from December 13, 2023, to January 1, 2024.

So the next time you notice a string of things seeming off, check the date. We bet you it will be Mercury in retrograde

The Journal of (an actual) Breast Reduction Patient

7/14/23
Today, I finally worked up the courage to schedule a consultation to get information on breast reduction surgery. I have never considered cosmetic surgery before, but I am tired of feeling uncomfortable in my skin! My breasts have bothered me ever since I hit puberty. Shopping is so stressful for me. I spilled out of every top or needed alterations to fit my large bust. I researched the best surgeon near me that had great reviews. I am seeing Dr. Ghaderi next week and am excited but nervous. Hopefully, I like him and what he has to say. I still have younger kids at home, but I have decided this year is for me! I don’t want to put this off anymore!

7/21/23
I left my consultation with Dr. Ghaderi feeling so hopeful. He made me feel like I could finally have the breasts I have always wanted! At last, I can be a size that would fit my body. What would working out and only wearing one sports bra be like? I have always had to wear two. Or the idea of walking into any store and the bras would fit? I have spent so much money on specialized bras- hundreds of dollars per bra. And no more back pain from my oversized breasts? I was so excited thinking about all of that! As much as I wanted to schedule the surgery right then and there, I needed time to process all of the information because, boy, IT WAS A LOT TO TAKE IN. It is still surgery under anesthesia, and I would have restrictions after surgery that may limit how I can take care of my kids. I have to consider all of this.

8/8/23
I did it; I booked the surgery! I spoke with my husband and my support system to help with our kids during my recovery. Everyone is on board. My surgery date will be here before I know it. I am looking at different outfits online that I would have never been able to fit into with my large breasts swimsuits, tops, tanks, dresses, bras, so many things! I cannot even imagine how it is going to feel to be able to wear a backless dress. I am so excited!!

9/15/23
I had a pre-op appointment today. Dr. Ghaderi reviewed my consent forms and instructions on what to do when I leave the hospital. The idea of having surgery is getting to feel so real. My initial excitement is turning into nerves. Should I be doing this? Should I wait until after my kids are older? Is it vein of me to want to change my body? Dr. Ghaderi reassured me and told me that these feelings are normal. He also reminded me that the results from breast reduction are remarkable and will truly change things for me. I believe him, but the little voice in my head is scared. I want to make the right decision. I know I did my research, trust my surgeon 110%, and will enjoy the results, but I still feel anxious.

9/20/23
The surgery was yesterday. On the day of surgery, I woke up nervous but also very calm. I was so ready for my new look! I arrived at the hospital, and everything was a smooth process. Dr. Ghaderi saw me before things started. I was ready! Before I knew it, I was home relaxing in my bed. The moment I left the hospital, I could feel the literal weight off my shoulders. All of those years of back pain instantly went away. My posture immediately was so much better! The zip-up bra I came into the hospital with before surgery was LOOSE walking out. I cannot believe this; it is just amazing! I am so happy I did this for myself. Everything always works out. Now it’s time to sit back, relax, recover (maybe online shop?), and enjoy this new chapter in my life.

‘Twas the Night Before Surgery…

By Gabrielle, Dr. Ghaderi’s Office Manager

‘Twas the night before surgery, consents being signed,
Questions are answered, post-op instructions defined.

Markings are done by Dr. Ghaderi with care,
In excitement for results they can’t wait to share.

The patient does their skin prep and gets snug in their bed,
While anticipation and some nerves dance in their head.

It’s time for their new look, surgery day is here
A renewed feeling of confidence is finally near!